


A Realization

by wandering_soul_with_a_writing_goal



Series: Ficlets [4]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Gay Mike Wheeler, Gay Panic, M/M, Mike Wheeler Loves Will Byers, Mike is w h i p p e d, gay realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:47:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25415662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wandering_soul_with_a_writing_goal/pseuds/wandering_soul_with_a_writing_goal
Summary: Mike realizes some things about himself, and reminisces the past.(He also thinks a lot about the boy he loves)
Relationships: Will Byers/Mike Wheeler
Series: Ficlets [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1824505
Comments: 8
Kudos: 63





	A Realization

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by im-not-a-joke on tumblr: "Mike realizes he is big gay"
> 
> Hope I delivered :3 (also this is part 1 btw)
> 
> (this is probably much longer than an official ficlet. whatever.)

Mike stood in Will’s empty bedroom, across from his ex girlfriend, mind buzzing.

“Mike…”

El approached him, love in her eyes. Mike felt trapped, cornered. But mostly, he was frozen. He didn’t know what to do. The only thing he  _ did  _ know was that he didn’t want to kiss El.

Which was weird. She was his  _ girlfriend _ , he was supposed to… 

“I love you too.”

He was supposed to love her.

_ El just said ‘I love you’. I should be happy, I should be full of emotion, I should…  _

But the words didn’t make Mike feel anything at all. Except for confusion, maybe. Mike didn’t remember ever saying he loved her. He didn’t remember ever  _ being _ in love with her.

He froze again as El closed her eyes and pressed her lips on his. Like she’d done so many times before. Only this time, Mike didn’t make an effort to kiss back. He didn’t  _ want _ to. He didn’t even close his eyes, but kept them wide open in confusion, discomfort, and panic.

_ Will _ .

What? No no no. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking about Will when he was kissing El… 

_ Oh. _

_ Oh my god. _

El broke apart and gave Mike such a soft smile that Mike felt bad for her.  _ She deserves someone who can give her what she wants. _

Because… Mike couldn’t.

_ No, no, no. I’m not supposed to. I’m straight. I’m in love with Eleven. _

But he  _ wasn’t _ . That was the problem.

He didn’t want to kiss El.

He… Oh, god… He wanted to kiss Will.

Mike watched El and the last of his heterosexuality walk away. He had so many questions, and he didn’t want to answer any of them.

_ Later. _

* * *

The rest of the day passed in a haze of bittersweet goodbyes. The hours dragged out but also passed in a millisecond.

Mike sat in the basement, flipping through the binder of Will’s drawings. Smiling at some of the older ones, where Will was still discovering his style, and laughing at a picture of Will The Wise shooting green fireballs.

When he reached the end, he felt a pang of sadness. Will had stopped giving him drawings a few months ago, and Mike never really understood why. It hurt even more now, thinking about all they’d been through that summer… 

_ “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!” _

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why did Mike even  _ say  _ that?

Who was he  _ really _ talking to when he said that?

Mike pushed the binder away, frustrated. Why was he such an idiot? Why did he feel this way? Why couldn’t he just be normal? 

_ Why is this happening? This… This is crazy. _

A different memory forced its way into Mike’s head.

_ “Hey, well… If we’re both going crazy, we’ll go crazy together, right?” _

_ “Yeah. Crazy together.” _

Mike couldn’t help smiling at that.

But then Mike remembered that that was a while ago, and times were different then, and now Mike had ruined everything.

He picked up the binder again, and this time, he didn’t want to let it go. In a way, it connected him to Will.

_ Will _ .

_ I just want to think about Will. _

Will Byers, the boy with bright eyes and a soft smile, an infectious laugh. He was patient, he was kind, he kept everyone on track. He was always,  _ always _ there for Mike. Even when Mike was dating El and treating Will like a jerk, he was still there. He was always there to listen to Mike, always willing to make time for Mike.

He was perfect.

_ Oh god. It’s just supposed to be a crush. (Well, it’s not supposed to be  _ anything. _ ) I’m not supposed to be in love with him! _

But Mike reconsidered everything. Every day he’d ever spent with Will. Every moment they shared. From meeting him on the swings, to laughing through Elementary school and sneaking off to the trees at recess, to meeting Lucas and then Dustin, to first learning to play Dungeons and Dragons, and naming their friend group “The Party”, to… 

To losing Will in the Upside Down.

That was the worst week of Mike’s life. He’d always known that as a fact in his mind. Even worse than the time he got sick on vacation and kept throwing up on Nancy. Even worse than  _ any _ of the 353 days without El. Mike held the binder close to his chest, shutting down his thoughts for a moment and reliving the fear and desperation and finally, indescribable amounts of relief.

After Will came back, things were different. But Will was still Will. He was still the one who was kind, patient, and Mike’s best friend. They were still close, probably even closer than before. Mike helped Will through the Mind Flayer’s possession (the  _ second _ worst week of Mike’s life), and in the end of it, he got Will and El back.

Mike felt a little selfish for claiming Will’s week in the Upside Down and Will’s days being possessed as the worst times of his life-- he knew it must be so much worse for Will. But losing Will meant losing part of himself.

_ Maybe… Maybe I am meant to be in love with him. Maybe I always was. _

It was the same now. Now that Will was leaving. Mike was losing a part of himself that he might never get back.

_ Well, at least I have this, _ he thought, flipping through the binder again. Reliving all the moments where Will would show up to a D&D campaign with a new work of art.

_ Mike smiled at the sight of Will. A split second after, he noticed a paper in his hand. “Hey, what’s that?” Mike asked. _

_ “Oh, it’s just a thing I drew for your campaign.” _

_ “Wow, is that the party?” Mike asked, getting a closer look. _

_ “Yeah. Do you like it?” Will’s eyes were nervous. _

_ “Like it? I love it!” _

_ “You can keep it if you want.” _

_ Mike grinned and took the drawing. Will smiled softly, and Mike felt so proud…  _

That scenario, so many times… And Mike always wished he could give something back.

Hey… maybe he could. Mike was never an artist, but he could put words to a page.

And Will deserved something. Something special from Mike. Maybe not a fantasy story, though… A letter.

An apology.

Mike stood quickly and grabbed a stack of paper and a pencil. And intently, the boy began to write.


End file.
